Scene 2

 

“TIME FOR THE NEXT news item, dish! ✩ This morning, the kappa statue in the shopping district was found broken. Ka-klink!”

An old woman sat in front of the television—which featured Azuma Sara’s offhanded news delivery—with a gaudy bandana wrapped around her head, hands pressed firmly together. The room she occupied was built in the traditional Japanese style: a tatami-floored living space sectioned off by sliding paper doors, leading outside into a vibrant garden. Adorning its interior was a chaotic spread of Asakusa performing arts and soccer memorabilia. The former was her hobby, while the latter reflected the hobbies of her grandchildren—an older girl and a younger boy.

One of those grandchildren was Enta, who was currently mumbling to himself as he gazed down at a box that just arrived. The large exterior box made the tiny one tucked inside seem even smaller. Contained within the latter was a friendship bracelet made of knotted red embroidery floss.

“Ugh. I went to the trouble of buying this, but now what do I do with it? I knew it might take a while, but I really believed he would come back eventually.”

When Kazuki first began taking a break from club activities, Enta hadn’t pushed him to come back. He tried to be understanding of Kazuki’s feelings, but believed that, eventually, time would fix everything.

“Kazuki sure was strange today, though. Was it because of that delinquent transfer student? Actually, it seemed like they knew each other. That jerk, what was he doing going off on his own and getting involved with a creep like that, anyway?”

On the television screen, Sara was getting all pumped up after having shattered a glass bottle. “The Asakusa police don’t currently have any leads on the vandals and are still investigating,” she said. “Hmph! ✩”

“I bet the culprits will have their shirikodama plucked right out of them by Kappa-sama,” the old woman remarked.

Unfamiliar with the term she used, Enta echoed back, “Hm? What’s a shirikodama?”

“It’s an organ located within a person’s anus,” his grandmother told him. “Back when I was a little girl, our parents used to warn us that if we were bad, Kappa-sama would come and pluck out our shirikodama.”

Enta struggled desperately to imagine his grandmother’s “younger years,” but his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Otone throwing open the sliding door.

“Enta! You wasted your money again, didn’t you? I see that box. What did you buy this time?!”

“It’s not what you think! This is for Kazuki,” he explained.

It would be his older sister who caught him, of all people. Enta developed a bad habit of spending too much money on online shopping. This was different, though. And now that his sister knew—his nosy, gossip-guzzling, rumor-loving sister—it was only a matter of time before she leaked it to Kazuki. If Enta was going to give him a friendship bracelet, then he wanted to do it on his own terms, when he deemed it appropriate. And that time was not right now!

“N-no way…” The menacing look on Otone’s face disappeared as her eyes widened in shock, staring at something behind Enta.

He followed her gaze. The box, which had moments ago been sitting atop the tatami, now floated in the air. It whizzed right out of the room and through the garden, disappearing instantly.

“W-wait! That’s my box!”

 

Ching! Ching!

Kazuki and Toi returned to the plaza where they first met that morning. There was no mistake: that strange noise they’d been hearing was definitely coming from here. Yet other passersby seemed entirely deaf to it.

“So no one else can hear it, huh…” Toi mumbled.

“We’ve been cursed by Kappa-sama,” said Kazuki, “for breaking the statue.”

“There’s no such thing as curses.”

The plaza had yellow tape reading “Keep Out” strewn across it, and the area around the broken kappa statue looked like a sectioned-off crime scene.

Ching! Ching!

“If the police catch us, we’ll get arrested, won’t we?” Kazuki asked.

“The heck am I going to get caught by the cops!”

Kazuki squeezed his box tightly in his arms and shouted back, “I don’t want to either! Not if it means I won’t be able to connect with them anymore!”

Bwoooosh! Suddenly, smoke started spilling from the broken kappa statue’s splintered buttocks.

“Something’s coming!” Kazuki exclaimed.

“A fart?!”

In the next instant, the statue’s beak flapped open, triggering an enormous explosion.

Once again, the two boys screamed in unison, “What the heck is thiiiiis?!”

 

“Good morning!”

 

As the smoke gradually cleared away, the haze lifted from their minds.

“We had this same exchange…” Toi began to say.

Kazuki finished, “…this morning.”

“I’ve been waiting for you two, ribbit.” Atop the pedestal, previously occupied by the kappa statue, now stood a new object—a large, white, round piece of mochi. “I am the Kappa Crown Prince, Keppi, ribbit.” The strange noise they’d been hearing all day was coming from the mochi, echoing off its head as it struck itself with a cucumber. “I erased your memories of this morning, ribbit.”

“You erased our memories?”

“Yes, com-plate-ly.” The mochi gave a jiggle as it moved, bringing its drowsy eyes and beak into focus.

“Whoa!”

“I can’t let you off so easily, not now that you know who I am, ribbit.” The words were threatening, but somehow lacked the necessary tension to be effective. The mochi began munching away at the cucumber it was holding.

“Wait, ‘ribbit’…?”

“Don’t curse us!” screeched Kazuki.

“However…nomnom…it must have been fate…nomnom…for the two of you to have woken me up…nomnom. Thus, I called you…nomnom…here again…gulp.” The mochi extended his legs forward and shockingly prostrated himself before them. “Human children! Please lend me your aid, ribbit! I beg of you, ribbit!”

Kazuki, who was holding his academic good luck charm out as if it were a talisman to ward off evil, paused for a moment. Who would have ever dreamed he’d hear a stock phrase of mecha and magical girl anime thrown at him, here, at Asakusa’s Kappabashi?

“Pass,” Toi said decisively from beside Kazuki, wielding his silver ruler in hand.

“Huh? Are you sure you want to refuse like that?”

Even though you might be cursed for it? That was the part that worried Kazuki, but Toi was far more pragmatic. He didn’t even believe in the existence of kappa.

“See if I care,” Toi spat. “Who’d listen to something a frog says anyways?”

“…I’m not a frog.” The voice crept up in volume from the ground below.

“Huh? A frog?” With those words, Kazuki stepped on a landmine.

“I said that I’m not a damn frooooooog!!” Keppi abandoned his superficial politeness and whizzed up into the air, spinning rapidly as a runaway train on his stubby, plump legs.

“Something crazy’s going on!” The two boys turned their backs on Keppi in an attempt to run, finally sensing danger, but before they could flee—

“Desiiiire…Extractioooon!”

—they received a blow to their behinds, the likes of which they’d never felt before. Kazuki’s consciousness abruptly cut off.

Scene 2

 

ENTA COULD BARELY FOCUS during the school day, and when it was over, he used the excuse of a stomach ache to skip out on club activities. Now, he was standing at the front gate. Frankly, he wanted to consult Kazuki about the gun situation sooner, but since Toi was seated directly beside Kazuki, Enta had lost his nerve every time he looked back to try. His only option now was to catch Kazuki on his way home.

“It’s not like I’m scared of Kuji or anything. It’s just awkward and inconvenient to have him sitting close by when I’m trying to talk. Last night I just went with the flow, but I never liked him in the first place. I need to make sure that Kazuki never hangs around him again.”

As Enta mumbled to himself in anguish, Kazuki passed right in front of him with a box cradled in his arms.

“Wait, Kazuki!” Flustered, Enta chased after the other boy, swerving around him so he was facing Kazuki.

“Enta?”

“Uh, hey, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

“Sorry, I’m in a hurry right now. Let’s talk tomorrow.”

“Huh? Hey, w-wait!”

Kazuki began walking off, leaving a dumbfounded Enta behind.

“What the heck?! I thought we were supposed to be the Golden Duo?!”

Behind the wailing Enta, Toi exited the school gate and started walking in the opposite direction. Without, of course, sparing a glance Enta’s way.

 

One of Asakusa’s most famous tourist spots was Japan’s oldest amusement park, Hanayashiki. It was crammed onto a tiny strip of land and jam-packed with a whole array of attractions. Its main attraction was a roller coaster, the oldest in Japan. Although there were other roller coasters touted as “the fastest,” “the tallest,” and “the most fear-inducing,” this one was a contender for the most thrilling. Just stopping and thinking about how old it really was could induce an adrenaline high. But there was also one curve where the track pressed terrifyingly close to a wall lining the boundary of the park. It felt like one wrong move would send you crashing right into it.

This was the wall that Toi was walking along now.

The interior of the park, with its echoes of cheerful laughter, stood in stark contrast to the exterior, with its distinct, foreboding aura. Toi had his black hood pulled up over his head and his jacket zipped all the way shut as he navigated the maze of residential complexes to a certain building. Inside, he strolled up to the elevator entrance, bumping the button with the middle knuckle of his index finger. After the doors eventually slid open, he stepped in and immediately pressed the “close doors” button with the same knuckle. Then he pressed several of the numbers on the pad.

He’d seen his brother do the same long ago and asked the purpose of it. His brother responded, “This way, they won’t be able to follow you.” Now, he didn’t even have to think about it. His body just moved automatically. It was little habits like this that made Toi feel connected to his brother.

He disembarked from the elevator and walked soundlessly to a room at the end of the hallway. When he quietly tried the door, it swung open to reveal a room lit with bright, purple growing lights. Tall plants with broad, five-fingered leaves lined the floor. Others hung upside down along the wall, drying in front of the ventilator. A desk was squeezed into the space, atop which sat some powder, ground down from the plants’ buds.

Toi slipped on his usual mask and thin plastic gloves, now firmly in work mode. In this secret room, he began dividing the dried marijuana and stuffing it into bags. To further camouflage them, he then tucked several of the tiny packets into a bag with cat food packaging on it.

This was the biggest source of Toi’s income. His clients were all regulars he inherited from his brother. He never sold to the same person twice in one month. He never met them directly. Toi was careful not to rouse suspicion, and had taken several other meticulous measures to avoid notice as well.

And yet someone sniffed out his route, and he’d inconvenienced his brother as a consequence. Now he was desperate to try to recover from his failure.

The flip phone he used for business began to vibrate—an order from one of his customers.

“Yeah, no problem. I got some exceptionally high-quality stuff right now. The pickup will be at…”

If he made this work, he would be one step closer to living with his brother. No sooner had he thought that than—

Thunk!

—something heavy slammed against the top of his desk.

“Huh?”

“Mreeow?”

When he ended the call and looked back, Toi found a chubby orange tabby with one of the packages he’d just finished sealing—the word Fishtopia stamped across the front—clamped inside its mouth.

A cat?

The two stared each other down, but it was the cat who moved first.

“Mreow!”

Despite its chubby physique, the cat was unbelievably agile as it slipped past the plastic sheet hanging around the perimeter of the room, and then leaped out the small crack in the open window. And, of course, it took the cat food bag with the freshly packed weed still inside it.

“Dammit! Wait right there, you stupid cat!” Toi yelled loudly after it, scrambling noisily as he jetted out of the room.

 

“Strange, I don’t see a single cat around here.”

As was his daily routine, Kazuki was dressed as Azuma Sara and searching for the lucky selfie item of the day. He could usually complete a mission this simple immediately after school let out, but this one was proving to be harder than expected.

“I figured a cat would be a piece of cake to find—whoa!” Something slammed into his back, pitching him forward. “That hurt…”

“Mreow!” The culprit was an orange tabby.

“Nyantaro?! Don’t surprise me like that. Although…maybe the two of us can come to an agreement here.” As Sara-Kazuki approached, ready to snap a selfie, the cat began desperately screeching at him.

“Mreow! Mreeeow!”

“Huh? Where’d you get that Fishtopia bag from?” Kazuki wondered.

“I found you, you fat-ass cat!”

“Kuji?” Kazuki glanced back to find a ruler-wielding Toi standing there, looking absolutely furious. It felt like déjà vu.

Toi completely ignored Kazuki and his Sara cosplay, and swiped his weapon at the animal, ripping through the bag it was carrying. “Give it back! Or I’ll run you through!”

Panicked, Kazuki inserted himself between the two. “Knock it off! This cat is really important to Haruka and me!”

While the two yelled at each other, the cat in question began to sniff at the small packets that tumbled onto the ground.

“Just shut up and move it!” Toi shouted. “Huh?”

“Mreeeoow.” With a gulp, the cat swallowed up one of Toi’s precious packages of weed.

“You’ve gotta be kidding me! I’ll slice your stomach open!”

Toi began whipping his ruler wildly through the air. Sara-Kazuki struggled desperately to hold him back, yelling to the cat, “Nyantaro, run for it!”

“Mreow!”

“As if I’ll let you get away!”

Thus began the Great Asakusa Chase.

 

“Damn that Kazuki. How does he expect me to handle this all by myself?”

Elsewhere in the city, Enta walked down a street with Toi’s box in his hands, still fuming over being turned away by Kazuki earlier.

“Guess I should go to the police. That’d be the normal thing to do in this situation, right?”

Isn’t there a police box near the entrance to Kitchenware Town? I guess I’ll just go there. Just as he thought that, though, something reached out and snatched him by the ankle.

“Gah!”

Enta was yanked inside the Kappa Plaza, where he discovered Keppi, shriveled and covered in sweat. The deflated mochi was lying on his side on the statue’s pedestal, his arm outstretched, clinging to Enta’s foot.

“I’m dying of starvation… Save me, ribbit.”

“What do you think you’re doing, Keppi?! I don’t have time for this right now!”

Scene 2

 

ENTA AND HARUKA sat on a bench by a pond, entertaining themselves with a game of Old Maid.

“Um, let’s see…this one!” Haruka plucked one of the two cards Enta held out in his hand.

Left with only the joker, Enta shouted, “Argh, I lost again!”

“Lucky! I win!”

“You really are way too good at this, Haruka. I’m convinced Lady Luck is on your side.”

“Ehehe, maybe that’s thanks to Sara-chan?” His smartphone chimed. “Oh, a message!”

“From Kazuki?” asked Enta.

“It’s a secret!”

There was a message in the chat window from Sara.

Sara: A plateful of apologies! It looks like today’s lucky selfie is going to be a little late, dish!

Harukappa: Don’t worry! Good luck!

The young boy quickly typed out his response before replying to Enta, “Kazu-chan and I don’t message each other.”

“I guess you do live together, so you can talk to each other as much as you want,” Enta mused. Granted, the two were actually messaging each other all the time, albeit with Kazuki disguised as Sara, but Enta wasn’t about to reveal that. But when he looked up, he noticed Haruka’s face clouded over.

“He doesn’t smile for me like he used to anymore,” said the younger boy. “And he loved soccer so much, but he quit playing it. He even threw away his friendship bracelet.”

“Yeah…” Enta, who was well aware of the situation, could say nothing in return. The friendship bracelet he stuffed inside his pocket felt heavier than ever.

“I actually really loved watching him play soccer,” said Haruka.

“Me too. I loved playing with him more than anything.”

“I’d like him to play again, but I’m not sure he’d listen to me. It’s not up to me, anyway.” Young as he was, Haruka really tried to be considerate about his older brother’s feelings.

That just means I have to do what I can to help, Enta thought to himself.

“Don’t worry! I’ll have Kazuki smiling and playing soccer again! Trust me!” He stood and pounded a fist against his puffed-out chest.

“Ehehe! That’s right, you two are the Golden Duo after all!”

“Yeah!”

 

A houseboat motored by as Otone stood next to the Sumida River, waiting in vain for her date.

She finally sighed and said, “Markiss sure is late. Normally he contacts me when he can’t make it on time.” She whipped out her phone and dialed his number.

Brrrrring…brrrrrrrring…

Back at Markiss’s Riverside Fish Market, a smartphone lying on the floor began to vibrate, its owner nowhere to be seen. The screen read “Jinnai Otone,” with a picture of Markiss hugging the girl in question from behind—until it was suddenly replaced by a bright red symbol of a heart, surrounded by static.

 

After parting ways with Haruka, Enta sat alone on the west side of the Azuma Bridge.

“So Kazuki doesn’t even smile in front of Haruka anymore…not that it’s any of my business,” he mumbled self-deprecatingly.

Almost immediately, a voice shouted back, “It absolutely is your business!”

“Huh?” Enta glanced back to see Kazuki sprinting across the Azuma Bridge toward him. He was wearing his favorite windbreaker, the one he always wore for soccer. “Kazuki? What are you doing here?”

Kazuki stopped in front of him, an unusually serious expression on his face. “Enta, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Wha…?” Enta’s heart was about to jump out of his chest, with Kazuki gazing straight into his eyes. His intensity made Enta wonder if this was a love confession.

“I think I’m going to return to soccer.”

“Huh?!”

Kazuki’s proclamation was more astounding than any confession.

“Sorry to make you worry so much, Enta. I know I’ve put you through a lot, but will you join me in reforming our Golden Duo again?”

Enta’s heart flooded with emotion. “Eep!” he squeaked. “You better not take this off again!” He adoringly tied the new friendship bracelet around Kazuki’s ankle.

“I promise. We’ll be the Golden Duo ’til death do us part.”

“Kazukiii!”

For the first time in a very long time, the two of them did their signature pose.

“Dishing it out!” they shouted.

Ah, this is exactly what I’ve been wishing for, and at last it’s become realit—

A voice cut through his reverie, dispelling the daydream. “Oh? You’re going to give me this bracelet?”

“Huh?”

Kazuki had disappeared from his side and been replaced by Otone. She was wearing the bracelet around her ankle instead.

“S-sis?! Why are you here?!”

“I was on my way to go pick up my boyfriend. See ya!” She dashed off, leaving a dazed Enta behind.

“Wait! That’s for Kazuki!” Enta returned to his senses and desperately scrambled after her. But when he made his way across the Azuma Bridge, he was greeted by an entirely different shocking sight.

 

“What are you guys doing?!” Enta flew down to his and Kazuki’s secret training area.

Students from another school were there, practicing soccer. They turned and looked back when they heard his voice. “Hey, if it isn’t Jinnai from Sara Junior High.”

“Heya! What’s up?” another called over to him.

Enta recognized the two. They were soccer players from a team he’d faced in competition last year. “This is our spot—mine and Kazuki’s! You can’t just use it without asking!”

“What the…? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Kazuki, that’s the other forward, right? I heard he quit soccer.”

“Seriously? Then what’s wrong with us using this spot?”

“Kazuki will be playing again soon!” swore Enta.

“You sure about that? He quit and left you hanging, didn’t he? Kinda pathetic to get your hopes up over someone who ditched you like that.”

“Shut up! I don’t care what you say!” Contrary to what he said, he leaped on one of them and started throwing punches.

“Ouch!”

“Jerk, what are you doing?!” The other grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and shoved him away.

For Enta, who was quick to pick a fight in spite of being weak, the odds of winning a two-versus-one fight were practically zero.

“Graaaaaaah!”

That didn’t stop Enta from charging toward them.

 

An imposing hush settled over the large conference room at the Asakusa Police Station, where a meeting was presently underway. A sign on the outside of the door read: Asakusa Suspicious Death Investigation HQ.

The chief’s voice echoed inside the dimly lit room. “We identified the body we found early this morning as twenty-seven-year-old Markiss Gimmemore, owner of the kisu specialty store Markiss’s Riverside Fish Market. Six months ago, he entered into a relationship with a woman for the purpose of committing marriage fraud. When she committed suicide, we suspected that he drove her to it. However, we failed to bring charges against him, and he was released. We’ll be investigating his death as a homicide.”

There was an audible ka-chik as the projector flipped through photo after photo of Markiss cozying up to different women. Honestly, what was with all these cutesy romantic pictures anyway? To the gathered officers, Markiss’s life looked more like a movie than reality. What did those girls see in this man? His face? Scam artist or not, being that popular was enough of a crime that he deserved to be behind bars. At least, that seemed to be the prevailing mood in the room.

Among those seated, two abruptly stood—Reo and Mabu.

“We’re the ones who reeled him in!”

“It was yesterday’s kiss!”

 

Yesterday evening, to be precise. The incident took place at the police box where the two worked.

“We’ve talked enough, haven’t we?” Markiss asked. “I have to get up early tomorrow to go fishing with my honey.”

“For those souls without beginnings or ends, those unable to connect…” Mabu held up a photo of Markiss out partying. A group of girls were hanging on his every word.

“Now, let us open a door…” Reo suddenly aimed the barrel of his gun at the man. “Is it desire?”

“Or love?”

A large taiko drum appeared above Markiss’s head.

“Desire Extraction!”

In the next instant, Markiss was absorbed into the drum and disappeared completely.

Scene 2

 

“GOOD MORNING! ✩ Every day is happy! And with your lucky selfie, you’ll have even more happiness on your plate! It’s me, Azuma Sara, dish! ✩” Sara’s dreamy voice came drifting out of the living room TV.

“Good morning! ✩ It’s me, Harukappa, dish!” Haruka called back, waving to the TV.

“Tomorrow is finally the day, Haruka,” called his mother.

“Yeah!”

“Enta-kun is coming as well, isn’t he?” asked the boy’s father.

“That’s right! I can’t wait!” Haruka’s cheerful voice echoed throughout the Yasaka home.

After a deep breath, Kazuki slid the living room door open. He was immediately greeted by Haruka’s smile as the boy sat atop his wheelchair.

“Kazu-chan, morning!”

Their father, a designer, had renovated every corner of their house with keen attention to detail. All the steps that might impede a wheelchair were removed, and the toilet and bath areas were widened. He installed new doors that slid aside rather

than swung open. Handrails decorated the walls across the house, so that Haruka could eventually use them for balance once he was able to get back on his feet again.

Kazuki turned his eyes away from all of that as he stood there, waiting.

 

It was routine for Haruka’s father to accompany his younger son to the promenade and then back home again so Haruka could feed Nyantaro. And, like always, he took a seat on the terrace of a nearby coffee shop, sipping his drink while he waited for Haruka to finish. Kazuki knew that this was his father’s way of giving his sons some space to talk… but he never knew how to take advantage of it. He slumped back against the embankment wall, smartphone in hand as he checked on today’s lucky selfie horoscope.

“Now then, what will today’s lucky selfie item be?” On the screen, Sara stopped the spinning roulette wheel and said, “So-bang! It’s soba, dish! ✩”

“Soba, huh…” Kazuki mumbled to himself. Fortunately, there was no shortage of soba restaurants in Asakusa. Instant cup soba could just as easily work, too.

Just as Kazuki was making these plans, an incredible piece of news suddenly drifted to his ears.

“And finally, an important announcement! Tomorrow in Asakusa, I’ll be at a meet-and-greet event, dish! ✩ That’s right, you’ll be able to shake my hand, dish! ✩ I hope you’ll all come to see me~! ✩”

“What?!” Kazuki shrieked.

“Hey, Kazu-chan, this means tomorrow I’ll be able to meet Sara-chan!” said Haruka. “Isn’t that amazing?”

“Wait, don’t tell me…you mean the handshake event?”

“That’s right! I’m kind of nervous since it’ll be my first time meeting her in real life!”

Sara droned on from his phone, “Okay then, have a wonderful day, and may lots of luck be dished your way!”

 

If you took Asakusa’s Orange Street into the Tanuki Shopping District, one of the first places you’d see was a soba restaurant called Sobakyuu. The place had a solid reputation, with regulars constantly bustling in and out. Despite that, few people remembered the old store before its current ownership took over.

Toi currently lay in the apartment above the restaurant, on the phone with his brother. It was a tatami room, six straw mats in size. Cardboard boxes were stacked around the room and left sealed, the same way they’d been since Toi’s return.

Toi could hear both his brother’s voice and the slosh of water through the receiver. He didn’t need to ask to know what his brother was doing. Not after all these years.

“Yeah, nothing much to report on my end,” he said. “How about you?”

“Same old, same old,” answered Chikai. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

“Okay…”

“How’s your new school? Made some friends?”

“I don’t need friends. We’re going to blow this place eventually anyway,” said Toi.

“C’mon, don’t say that. How’s our aunt and uncle? They’re looking after you, right?”

Toi huffed. “Who cares about them?”

“Are they saying nasty things to you because of me? Sorry ’bout that.”

“I don’t care what they say to me! You’re the one who protected this store, so how can they—”

“It’s fine,” Chikai said, cutting him off. “That’s between you and me. A secret we’re gonna keep for life.”

“I know. You protected this place, so that’s why I decided I’d wait here for you.”

As he lay on his back, surrounded by the thick smell of tatami, Toi twirled the gun in his hand. The same gun that upended his older brother’s life just four years ago. To Toi, the gun felt like the embodiment of a curse. He kept it with him all the time. That way, even if the two of them were apart, he could still feel like they were connected, like he shared the weight of his brother’s sins. The weight of it kept him grounded, the mercilessly cold steel of it a reminder that he would never be forgiven for what he’d done.

“I’ve got good news. I should be able to drop by and see you soon,” said Chikai.

Toi launched himself up off the floor. “Seriously?! So, I can go with you next time, then?!”

“Hmm, I don’t know, can you?”

“We promised, right? That once everything was settled, the two of us would live together. I don’t want to be apart anymore.”

“I feel the same way, you know. I feel so bad that I couldn’t be with you more.”

A knock sounded, and Toi slipped his gun in behind his belt. He knew they would never open the door, but it never hurt to be careful. The frightened voice of his aunt drifted in through the thin paper of the sliding door. “Toi-chan? A boy is here to see you, says he’s your friend.”

A friend?

He had no clue who that could be… Okay, no, he did know who it could be, he just loathed trouble.

Toi walked down the steps in a foul mood. When he got to the bottom, he locked eyes with his uncle, who was busy prepping for the restaurant’s opening. He deliberately averted his gaze and headed out the front door.

His aunt’s worried voice chased after him. “You stay out so late every night, where are you going? You’re not doing anything dangerous, are you?”

“Not like he’s going to listen to you! He’s too stubborn to cut ties with that murdering bastard of a brother, after all!” For better or worse, Toi’s uncle was an honest man, and he didn’t mince words.

Toi didn’t want to listen to their jabbering any further, so he slammed the door shut behind him. The name of this place hadn’t changed, but everything else had, ever since the incident. The flavor of the soba, Chikai, and even Toi himself.

 

“So it’s you…” He suspected as much, but it irked him to be right.

“J-just so we’re clear, I only lied and said we were friends so I could call you out here, okay?!” Enta stood in front of him, still clad in his practice uniform.

“Yeah, whatever.”

Enta considerately led them away from his family’s restaurant and to an empty lot to talk, but he had no compunction about broaching the very topic Toi would have rather left untouched. “Oh, and I didn’t know your family ran a soba restaurant! My family eats Sobakyuu for New Year’s every year. The soba at your place is really good!” Enta made a big display of bouncing his soccer ball around, juggling it with his feet as he spoke.

It left Toi dumbfounded. “Glad to hear it,” he said dryly.

“But you transferred to our school from somewhere else, right? How come?”

Toi sighed and stared up at the sky as he slowly began to explain. It wasn’t because Enta had complimented the restaurant, or anything—his mood had just softened, and he wasn’t bristling anymore. “After my mom and dad passed away, we left Asakusa for a while. My relatives inherited the store. I just live there.”

“Oh, okay…sorry,” Enta said, apologizing sincerely.

Toi changed the subject. “Anyway, what’d you come to me for?”

“Oh yeah! That’s right!” Enta dropped the soccer ball and bowed his head down in front of Toi. “I’m begging you! Please give your Wishing Plate to Kazuki!”

He suspected as much. This was the only reason Enta would bother approaching him, after all. “I don’t… He’s put you through the wringer and caused you nothing but pain. How are you not fed up with him?”

From Toi’s perspective, Kazuki’s indifference toward Enta couldn’t be so easily forgiven. Especially since the other boy’s feelings bled into Toi’s consciousness, and he was now keenly aware of just how Enta felt. It was also obvious that Kazuki had no room in his heart for anyone but his little brother.

“Kazuki saved me from a life of loneliness. And I’ve decided that it’s my turn to help him this time!”

Those words jolted Toi’s memory.

 

His brother had told him long ago, “In this world, those who can’t survive have to disappear.” And those who disappeared were forgotten. That went for people as well as towns, buildings—everything. Once something disappeared, it was overwritten by something new, like data. And in this city, no one stopped to notice. Asakusa was a city prone to sudden, extreme change. Tourist spots that couldn’t cut it were left struggling to outlast each other.

With the city as a backdrop, he found himself wandering to the seaside water bus stop where he’d last seen his brother.

“‘It’s my turn to help him,’ huh…?”

It pained him to admit it, but Enta’s words and feelings tugged at his heartstrings. Both Enta and Kazuki were trouble, but Enta in a different way than the latter.

That thought seemed to summon the other troublesome person in question—Kazuki—who appeared decked out in his Sara outfit.

“There you are! Kuuuuji!” Sara-Kazuki came blasting full speed down the promenade toward him. The other boy didn’t even slow as he approached, but instead, threw his arms around Toi.

“Guh?!”

He could hear Kazuki’s voice ringing in his ears. “Help me kidnap Azuma Sara! Dish! ✩”

“What?!”

With that, Toi found himself caught up in what would most definitely turn out to be immense trouble.

 

“Phoo, phoo…”

Sara-Kazuki had purchased some instant cup soba from the convenience store and was now sitting in the high-rise parking lot, blowing on his noodles to cool them. His lightly colored lips were puckered adorably as he did so.

Pa-chik.

Toi captured the image on his smartphone before mumbling in exasperation, “Okay, you’ve gotta be kidding, right?”

“Ehehe, I am being completely serious, dish! ✩” Sara-Kazuki tilted his head back slightly and smiled.

The memory of their first meeting flashed through Toi’s mind. He’d been in the middle of trying to break into a car when Kazuki, dressed as Azuma Sara, happened upon him. At the time, he honestly thought that Kazuki looked cute.

“Tomorrow—shlurp, shlurp—before the handshake event, I’d like you to—shlurp, shlurp—kidnap her—shlurp, shlurp…” He was noisily slurping up his noodles, as was custom, yet the fanfare seemed ridiculous considering he was eating only one noodle at a time.

“You really suck at eating noodles,” observed Toi.

Gulp…gulp… As Sara-Kazuki tilted the bowl back to drink the dashi broth, the light in the background framed his silhouette like a painting.

Ba-thump, ba-thump.

Toi found the thrumming of his heart annoyingly loud.

“Pwaaah! You’re the only person I can entrust with such a request, Kuji.”

He felt slightly disappointed watching Kazuki return to his normal self after looking so cute, but Toi dismissed the thought, trying to keep his cool, aloof air. “If you get found out, you know it’ll be serious trouble.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be taking her place. I promised Haruka I would use our secret code when we shake hands.”

“Gimme a break,” said Toi. “You know there’s no way this is gonna go well.”

“I’ve kept this secret all this time! And I have to keep up the charade that I’m Sara, for Haruka’s sake!”

Toi was at a loss against Sara-Kazuki’s impassioned pleas. Once again, his thoughts were sent reeling back to the past.

 

The weak have to be protected in order to survive. That was a lesson he learned early.

A flier had been posted on Sobakyuu’s door. Dear customers, it read. Due to the untimely death of the owners, the store will be closing.

In the winter when he was ten, Toi’s parents passed away. Later, he pieced together that his parents had been saddled with an enormous debt after being conned by one of their friends. Chikai was already hanging out with the wrong crowd back then and rarely came home. Even so, the young Toi had no one else to rely on except his older brother.

Time went by in a daze as he gazed at the urns where his parents’ ashes were kept, and at their portrait. Both sat on a floor desk beside him. Even when day turned to dusk, he couldn’t even bother to flip on the lights.

One day, a sudden, violent thumping came up the stairs, and Toi’s entire body tensed. The door rattled as it was thrust open, revealing Chikai wearing an embroidered baseball jacket.

“Brother…” Toi mumbled, but before he could welcome his older sibling home, he heard something light and round bounce off the floor and come rolling to a stop at his feet. It was a ten-thousand-yen bill that Chikai balled up and tossed at him.

“There. Use that and figure out how to feed yourself.” Chikai began rifling through his parents’ chest of drawers, grinning as he produced a pearl necklace.

“That’s Mom’s,” Toi said reproachfully.

Chikai, whose mood had taken a dark, vicious turn, spat back, “Once you’re dead, it’s all over. If it means we can get some cash, I’m sure that’s what those two would’ve wanted.”

The way Chikai referred to their parents as if they were strangers—“those two”—seemed to open up a chasm between them.

“Dad always said not to do bad things,” Toi protested.

That didn’t stop Chikai from continuing to rummage around for any other valuables. “Yeah, like an idiot, he pretended to be some kinda saint and look where it got him.”

Toi couldn’t hold back his anger anymore. “I hate you for saying such horrible things about Mom and Dad! It should’ve been you instead of them!”

Thwump! In the blink of an eye, his brother was upon him, grabbing him by the jaw and shoving him roughly up against the wall.

“Hrgh!” Tears sprang to his eyes, both from fear and the pain.

“I’ll run you through…!” Chikai threatened, then calmed himself down enough to say, “Listen up, Toi. In this world, it’s only the bad people who survive.”

 

On a different evening, he watched through a window as his brother met up with someone in the alley behind Sobakyuu. The man was muscular, with a fierce look on his face. Toi had no way of knowing at the time, but this man was Yuri Kamome, the young leader of a powerful group in Asakusa called YURIKAMOME.

Kamome tried handing a cloth-wrapped object to Chikai. “Chikai, you’re an adult now. You can handle somethin’ like this,” he giggled.

“No, I’m not ready for that yet,” replied Chikai.

“Then how about this. I’m leaving this in your hands for safekeeping, as an older brother to a younger brother. You won’t refuse me then, will ya?”

Chikai sensed that refusing the man any further would be a bad idea. He let out a quiet sigh and said, “All right,” as he took the object.

Kamome’s laughter echoed eerily down the dark street.

Toi crawled into bed and pretended to sleep. It wasn’t long before Chikai came into the room. The floor desk rattled as he slid one of the drawers open, but just as quickly he headed back out again. Once he was gone, Toi slipped out of bed and timidly checked the drawer. Tucked inside, gleaming silver in the dark, was a Tokarev gun.

“…My brother really is a bad person.”

In front of their parents’ portrait, Chikai had casually left another wrinkled ten-thousand-yen bill.

 

Soon enough, Sobakyuu was forced to close its doors.

“Are we going to be thrown out? Are we going to lose Mom and Dad’s restaurant?” Toi asked his brother, who’d returned home for the first time in a long time.

But his brother only replied coldly, “Those who can’t survive have to disappear. Disappear and be left behind, forgotten.”

“I don’t want that! I don’t want to forget them! Not our parents, and not the taste of our soba, either…!” Toi vehemently opposed the idea, though there was nothing a powerless child like him could do about it.

The day before they were to be evicted, his aunt and uncle came to clean up the store.

“Stop it! Don’t touch our restaurant!”

As Toi clung to his uncle’s legs, the older man stared down at him as if he were some kind of bug. “You can complain all you like, they’re still going to evict you tomorrow.”

“It really is a shame this place has to close down,” said his wife.

“That’s how it goes if you can’t pay. You and your brother should just be glad that we’re looking after you.”

It really is over, Toi thought, about to give up. But then—

“If it’s money you need, I got it.” Chikai pushed the door open and stood at the entrance.

“Chikai! Where have you been all this time?”

Chikai ignored his uncle’s question and slammed an attaché case down on a nearby table. It was lined with stacks of cash and, in the center, the deed to the restaurant. “I got the restaurant back, and I’m giving you this cash. So…” He turned to his aunt and uncle, who were struck speechless at seeing such a huge sum of money for the first time in their lives. “Please, take over the place.”

It was a bitter decision for the two brothers to have to make.

Toi understood now how powerless he’d been, and that he was nothing but a burden for his brother to protect.

 

“Kuji? You listening?” Sara-Kazuki called out to him, disrupting the pool of memories he submerged himself in.

“Huh? Oh, my bad,” said Toi.

Sara-Kazuki was bent down on the ground, a blueprint spread out beneath him. He moved chips across it, ones with portraits drawn on their sides. “You following me? The day of the event, Sara will enter this waiting room. First, you need to lock her manager in this bathroom. After that, you can call Sara out of the room, and I’ll use that opportunity to sneak in.” He nodded to himself. “Yeah, this plan is perfect, dish! ✩”

“Hold on a second.”

“Hm?”

“How come I’m the one doing everything?” Toi complained.

“I told you, you’re the only person I can trust with this! I have to concentrate on passing myself off as Sara, disssrgh…!”

Sara-Kazuki’s voice turned into muffled groans as Toi squeezed the boy’s face in his hand. Kazuki dropped his cup of soba, and it went plummeting downward before coming to a soft stop a few inches above the ground, where it began to float upward.

“My soba!” Kazuki gasped.

“A Kappa Zombie!”

 

An imposing hush settled over the large conference room at the Asakusa Police Station, where a meeting was presently underway. A paper on the outside of the door read: Asakusa Suspicious Death Investigation HQ.

The chief’s voice echoed inside the dimly lit room. “We have identified the body we found early this morning: thirty-year-old Sobatani Yudeo.” His profile revealed that his name included the kanji for “boiling hot soba boy.” “He’s the owner of the restaurant Soba no Yu. Six months ago, he was arrested on suspicion of sneaking into the home of one of his female customers and stealing her used bathwater. He was released after we failed to bring charges against him. We’ll be investigating his death as a homicide.”

There was an audible ka-chik as the projector flipped through the images, eventually landing on a photo of the crime scene. Hoses crawled down from the window of the victim’s bathroom, pumping into plastic containers where the criminal stored the stolen bathwater.

The prevailing mood of the room was, Damn, this guy’s seriously creepy, isn’t he?

“We’re the ones who sucked him up!” said Reo.

“It was yesterday’s soba!” said Mabu.

 

Yesterday evening, to be precise. The incident took place at the police box where the two worked.

“Well, I have to prep for opening tomorrow, so…”

“For those souls without beginnings or ends, those unable to connect…” Mabu held up a photo of Sobatani threading the hoses through the woman’s bathroom window, plastic containers in his hands.

“Now, let us open a door…” Reo aimed the barrel of his gun at the man. “Is it desire?”

“Or love?”

A large taiko drum appeared above Sobatani’s head.

“Desire Extraction!”

Sobatani was sucked into the drum and disappeared completely.

 

The Desire Field wrapped itself around the entire area of Asakusa, and the Zombie’s underlings began swiping all of the soba throughout the city. Sobakyuu was no exception.

“Oh no! Our soba…!” Toi’s uncle watched as their bowls of noodles went flying away, one after another. Helpless to stop them, he collapsed to his knees.

 

Toi watched the scene unfold on Keppi’s monitor.

Enta gasped from beside him, “Wait, that’s Sobakyuu, isn’t it?!”

“Tch,” Toi clicked his tongue. He grabbed Keppi by the beak and threateningly hissed, “Turn me into a kappa right now!”

“Ribbit?!”

Toi turned his back to Keppi, and the Crown Prince of Kappa slammed into him from behind.

“Desiiiire Extractioooon!”

 

“The object of this Kappa Zombie’s desire is soba, ribbit.”

“Kuji, is your restaurant going to be okay?” asked Kappa-Enta.

“Huh? Kuji’s family runs a soba restaurant?” Kappa-Kazuki’s eyes widened. It was the first he heard of this.

“If someone steals from you, you take back what’s yours!”

 

“Kappature it!” Keppi cried as the three of them flew toward the creature.

“I love the girl who likes my soba!” The Kappa Zombie mercilessly threw bowls of soba at the boys. “Leftover bathwater isn’t enough! I want to be with her so bad!”

Kappa-Toi gave the creature’s whining a direct, verbal smackdown. “You’re just forcing your selfishness on other people! If you really ‘want to be with her so bad,’ then man up!”

“Gyaaaaaaah!”

Kappa-Toi dove into the creature’s rectum and grasped its shirikodama in his hands. He desperately cried, “I want to protect the same thing my brother fought to protect!”

 

“We kappatured it!” the three declared.

As he held the ball of energy in his hand, Kappa-Toi saw the man’s desire—him and the girl soaking in a bath filled with soba water, her eating noodles soaked in broth made from her leftover bathwater.

“I found the perfect dashi…” said the man in his fantasy.

“So that’s it,” Kappa-Toi realized. “You wanted to use the bathwater you stole to boil soba…”

“My secret’s been found ooooooout!”

Sobatani’s Kappa Zombie body began to fracture.

 

“Saraaa!”

“Saraaa!”

“Saraaa!”

And then all together, “Sarazanmai!”

As the transfer of the shirikodama began, Toi felt something akin to resignation. That emotion was soon transferred to the other two as well.

 

“Leaking.”

 

They saw a scene from a winter day four years ago. It was right after Chikai disappeared after saving Sobakyuu.

Toi’s breath puffed out in white clouds as he ran through Asakusa. “Brother, where did you go? Don’t leave me behind!” As he passed by one alleyway, he heard a familiar laugh.

“Ehehehe…”

He stilled his breathing and peered out from the shadows, spotting Yuri Kamome and his underling, Yasuda Yasu.

“Kwaaah! Chikai, that bastard. Looks like he hasn’t gone back home yet. And the old man workin’ there says he cut ties with Chikai, so he doesn’t know nothin’,” said Yasu.

“Ah, well. It’s just a matter of time before he slips up. He’s barkin’ up the wrong tree if he thinks he can defy us, steal from us, and get away. Ehehehe.” Kamome’s eyes peeled wide open as he laughed. “If you find him, shoot him. He’s got my gun.”

“Kwaaah!”

Having heard their conversation, Toi hastened back home.

 

Now that Sobakyuu had reopened, customers were gradually beginning to return. When Toi pressed the door open and entered, his uncle immediately scolded him. “Toi! I told you to enter from the back!”

Without stopping to reply, Toi scrambled up the stairs to the second floor. Inside the room, a single thousand-yen bill sat in front of his parents’ portrait. It hadn’t been there this morning. When he yanked the drawer to the desk open, he found the gun still remained, its presence as oppressive as ever.

So, his brother wasn’t walking around with the gun on him. As he went to shut the drawer again, a slip of paper tucked beneath the gun caught his eye. He pulled it out and flipped it over. It was a photo of him and Chikai when they were younger, smiling. One they’d taken together as a family when Toi was five.

Warm memories filled him, one after the other. Making and eating soba together as a family. Him and Chikai standing out in front of the store during Sanja Festival, wearing happi coats and selling soba. The two of them walking to a flower garden together on one of their rare days off.

“Brother…!”

 

I knew this was going to happen…! Toi was prepared for his memories to leak. But when he thought about how that meant reexperiencing that day all over again, he couldn’t help but feel like he was somehow betraying his brother. This was supposed to be a secret between the two of them, forever.

The shirikodama transferred to Kazuki.

YURIKAMOME, frustrated by being unable to locate Chikai, had set its sights on his younger brother instead. Toi, however, couldn’t risk being a burden to Chikai by letting them capture him. He ran with everything he had.

Above him, on the Azuma Bridge, men in the same embroidered baseball jackets he’d seen his brother wear were talking about him.

“That little brat… Where the heck is he hiding?!”

“We need him as a hostage to lure Chikai out! We have to find him!”

“Kwaaah!”

When their footsteps began to fade, Toi chanced a peek out from the tunnel where he was hiding, its entrance lined by stones. He had to hurry. But where? Where could he go? His footsteps felt heavy as he wandered down the tunnel.

“Hey, kiddo, where you goin’?”

Toi’s head jerked up to find Yuri Kamome standing ahead of him at the exit.

“Ehehehe. How about I tag along with you?”

One step, then two. Kamome was making his way closer.

 

Unable to stand it anymore, Kazuki cried out, “Run!”

Having received the shirikodama from Kazuki, Enta shared in his friend’s terror. But it was the eerie calm that settled over Toi in the vision that worried him.

 

Bang!

For a split second, the inside of that tunnel lit up like a sunny day. A lead bullet buried itself in Kamome’s stomach, and his hulking form sank to the ground. The scene played out in slow motion for Toi.

He was breathing as hard as if he’d just run a sprint. He belatedly realized his hands were trembling as they clasped the grip of the pistol.

He’d taken a life. With this gun.

Behind the fallen Yuri Kamome was a silhouette he knew all too well.

“Bro…”

He had been searching so desperately for his older brother, and now he felt like running away.

This was awful. Scary. He was a murderer.

Help! I’m sorry. Dad, Mom…!

Chikai walked straight toward him.

Toi’s legs refused to budge, as if his feet were sewn to the ground. He snapped his eyes shut and felt something icy brush against his hands. It was Chikai’s hand. With a soft touch, his brother peeled Toi’s trembling fingers back and lifted the gun away. And with it, the cold sensation of the steel against his skin was gone as well.

Chikai aimed the gun at Kamome’s still body and pulled the trigger.

Bang! Bang!

The ear-splitting sound broke his paralysis. He glanced up at his brother, who stared at Kamome’s corpse without an ounce of emotion on his face.

“In this world, it’s only the bad people who survive.” Chikai knelt down so he was at eye level with Toi. He gave his little brother a smile for the first time. “I’m the one who killed him. With this gun.”

“Huh?” he gasped in shock.

“The two of us are going to survive this world, no matter what it takes. You understand, right?” Chikai squeezed his arms tight around Toi.

It was the first time that had ever happened.

Toi clung to Chikai, whose back felt so broad that no matter how much Toi stretched, he couldn’t fully wrap his arms around his older brother. He felt embarrassed by how young he was—helpless, weak, unable to do anything but stand around and be protected.

“Yeah…yeah!” Toi said finally as hot tears bubbled up, wetting his frozen cheeks.

Never again would the two of them be separated. They swore as much that day.

“No!”

His sorrowful cry echoed in their shared ocean of emotions.

 

After the Desire Field faded, Toi noticed he had a new message on his phone.

Chikai: The situation’s changed, doesn’t look like I’ll be able to come back. I’ll contact you again later.

A few short, curt sentences. His brother had dished out similar bad news countless times before. Today’s, however, was particularly disheartening.

 

“Unfortunately, today’s Wishing Plate is silver once again, ribbit.”

“Tch…” Toi snatched the proffered dish up, but when he tried to leave, Enta stopped him.

“H-hey, hold on a second! I saw what happened. Toi, you…that guy…”

“Yeah. I killed someone,” Toi finished for him.

“How can you…how can you be so cool about it?”

There was no point in trying to argue about it, at least not in Toi’s mind. He had no interest in associating with these two anyway, so it was best for them to hurry up and distance themselves. “If I hadn’t shot him, then he might have killed me. Or he would have killed my brother.”

“Still—” Enta started to protest.

“You want to argue so bad over whether it was justified or not, go ahead. But concepts like good and evil don’t mean squat to the powerful. That’s why I decided that I need to get strong, so I can survive and stay with my brother. I can take whatever judgment you want to dish out, I don’t care.”

“But…”

“But I won’t allow anyone to put my brother’s sacrifice to waste. If you spill my secret…”

In the blink of an eye, Toi whipped his ruler out, grazing the tip of Enta’s nose. The other boy squeaked in surprise.

“I’ll run you through.”

 

Toi left the collapsed Enta behind and started to leave the plaza.

“Kuji!”

He didn’t need any more trouble. But no sooner had he thought that than Kazuki came running after him.

“Here, my Wishing Plate. You can have it.”

“Kazuki?!” Enta exclaimed, crawling after them on his hands and knees.

Toi glanced at the silver Wishing Plate and then at Kazuki’s face. “What’s this about?”

“I think you deserve this more than I do.”

Enta couldn’t hold his tongue after hearing that. “What are you talking about?! You’ve been doing all of this for Haruka, right?! Why are you handing your plate over to someone like Kuji, of all people?! Isn’t Haruka important to you?”

“I…” Kazuki balled up his fists, squeezing out the words. “I hate Haruka.”

Scene 2

 

THE KAMINARI 5656 MEETING HALL, located in Asakusa and owned by the Tokiwadou Kaminari Okoshi Head Office, was a performance hall with a long history. It had a flashy exterior and a traditional arched roof, like something straight out of a Japanese fairy tale. This was where the local idol Azuma Sara’s meet-and-greet event was to be held that day.

“It’s here! That’s Sara’s car!” Kazuki said as he watched the van slip into the parking lot. He hefted the box holding his Sara disguise in his hands.

“Hey, are we seriously doing this?” asked Toi, who’d let himself get wrapped up in this despite his reservations.

“Of course we are! I’m going to see this mission through to the end!” They even labeled the mission “Operation Kidnap Azuma Sara.”

“Why are you like this?”

At Toi’s question, Kazuki looked confused. “Huh? Oh, you mean why I’m not dressed up yet? I’m going to change after—”

“No, not that! I mean, you know about me now… Why haven’t you said anything?”

Seeing how awkward Toi was acting, Kazuki dropped the tone of his voice a bit and said, “I was scared at first, but I was also jealous of you. Incredibly jealous.”

“What the…? I don’t get you at all.”

“Yeah, sorry. I know it’s probably all just me being selfish.”

The expression on Toi’s face made it clear that he didn’t understand.

“All right, let’s go,” said Kazuki, trying to switch gears. “First we have to deal with the manager.”

 

“Okay, Sara, I’ll come get you ten minutes before it’s time to go on stage,” the manager said as he ducked out of her dressing room.

“Roger that, dish ✩,” she called back, sounding just as dreamy as she did on TV.

Toi took one glance at the door, labeled “Azuma Sara’s Dressing Room,” and promptly followed after the manager.

 

“Hm-hmm, hum. ♪” The manager was in a cheerful mood as he relieved himself inside the old-style bathroom. “Sara’s finally gotten popular enough to hold her own personal event at the 5656 Meeting Hall. If we keep this up, we might actually make it to the Budokan arena one day!” He continued muttering about his dreams of grandeur, trying to slide up his zipper when—

Creaaaaak.

He could hear the door to one of the stalls behind him crack open.

“Hm?”

In the mirror in front of him, the manager watched as a man in a kappa mask whipped out a cucumber.

“Gyaaaah?! Guh?! Urgh?!”

A sign hung on the door to the men’s bathroom that read Closed for Cleaning. The noises echoing from behind the door certainly seemed disturbing for a simple cleaning, but silence settled back over the area soon enough.

“Phew…” Toi pulled the mask to the side of his face and heaved a sigh. In the stall in front of him sat the manager, bound and pantsless, looking utterly depraved.

“What the heck am I doing…?” Toi’s complaint slipped out the bathroom window along with the man’s pants, disappearing in the wind.

 

Sara lifted her head at hearing a knock on the door. The smartphone in her hand displayed the thumbnails for a series of cucumber photos: the phrase “cucumbers around the world” had been typed into the search engine above.

“Pardon the intrusion.” The person who entered the room wore a kappa mask on his face.

If Sara were a normal idol, she would have immediately called for help after an intruder slipped into her room. As fate would have it, however, the man in the kappa mask held the very cucumber in his hand that he used in his crime moments ago.

“It’s a cucumber, dish! ✩” she said happily.

“We’d like you to do a PR photoshoot before you go on stage for the meet-and-greet.” He gestured with the cucumber, and Sara’s eyes followed it greedily. She was too focused on it to question his request.

“Okay, dish. ✩”

Toi sighed behind his kappa mask, a little surprised at how easily he managed to lure her out of the room with him.

“What the heck am I doing…?” he muttered, not for the first time today, though no one paid attention to his complaint.

One person watched Toi’s careful execution of the plan—Sara-Kazuki. “Kuji, you did it!” He stepped out of the shadows and slipped into Sara’s waiting room, safe and unnoticed.

 

“Okay, everything’s in place,” Kazuki told himself. As he sat at the extravagant vanity, his smartphone chirped at him, alerting him of a new message.

Harukappa: I just arrived at the meeting hall! I’ll finally be able to meet you! A selfie of Haruka in front of the venue was attached to the text.

Sara: Thanks for coming! I am excited to meet you too, dish! ✩

Harukappa: Remember how we talked about a secret code yesterday? I thought of a good one!

Sara: Okay, tell me!

Sara-Kazuki’s expression remained dark the whole time, at odds with the cheerful replies he was sending. The words Toi said to him before replayed through his mind: You and I aren’t so different. We’re the kind of people who’ll do anything to get what we want. Toi couldn’t have been more right.

Kazuki dressed up as Haruka’s favorite female idol, created a fake account to connect with his little brother, and even went so far as kidnapping Sara today so he could fulfill his promise. All for Haruka.

Even I know this is insane, he thought.

Harukappa: I’ll say, “From beginning to end.” And you’ll say, “We’re all connected in a great big circle”

Kazuki’s fingers trembled as he typed his reply.

Sara: That’s a beautiful secret code, dish! ✩

Harukappa: It’s a sign that we’re connected!

After he read Haruka’s reply, Sara-Kazuki hugged the phone tightly against his chest. Then he lifted his face, all traces of doubt gone now.

Real or not, Haruka and I are still connected.

 

The fifth and sixth floors of the 5656 Meeting Hall were one giant, open area, an enormous room with a stage that was called Tokiwa Hall. There was a line of fans at the entrance, waiting for the venue to open.

Enta stood beside Haruka and his parents. He glanced down at the boy, who was gazing intently at the screen of his smartphone. “Haruka, what are you watching?”

“It’s today’s lucky selfie horoscope!” On the tiny screen of the device, Sara was announcing the item of the day.

“You must really like her to be watching this when you’re about to meet her in person in a few minutes.”

“Yeah! I love her!”

Behind the screen, Sara’s dreamy voice intoned, “Now then, what will today’s lucky selfie item be? It’s a sachet, dish! ✩”

Haruka looked back at his mother and asked, “Hey, what’s a ‘sachet’?”

“It’s a fragrance bag, filled with scented potpourri.”

“A fragrance bag…” Haruka echoed. A tremor seemed to run through his body, though it went unnoticed by both his parents and Enta.

Enta cut in and said, “S-so Kazuki didn’t come with you guys today?”

“No,” said Haruka’s mother. “Kazu-kun left early this morning.”

“O-oh, okay…” Enta pasted a strained smile onto his face to mask his inner panic. What the heck are you doing, Kazuki?! If Haruka finds out the truth, it’s all over!

“Okay then,” came Sara’s voice from Haruka’s phone. “Have a wonderful day, and may lots of luck be dished your way! ✩”

Scene 2

 

“GOOD MORNING! ✩ Every day is happy! And with your lucky selfie, you’ll have even more happiness on your plate! It’s me, Azuma Sara, dish! ✩”

The living room filled with the sound of Sara’s voice as her Asakusa Sara TV segment began, but their morning routine lacked its normal liveliness. Haruka never ventured over to the breakfast table, but silently watched the television, instead.

His father looked on and asked, “Have you heard anything from Kazuki?”

Haruka’s mother shook her head, holding a coffee cup in either hand. “Not since I got a message last night that he’s staying over at Enta-kun’s house.”

“All right.” There was a brief pause before he continued, “Now that I think about it, she does kind of resemble him.” His eyes were turned toward the screen, where Sara was dancing.

“Yes. Maybe that’s why Haruka became such a big fan.”

“Now then, what will today’s lucky selfie item be?” droned Sara’s voice in the background.

Neither of Haruka’s parents could see the expression on the boy’s face.

“Oh dear, what’s this?” Sara sounded confused. “It looks like today’s item is a sachet too, dish.”

A headdress decorated with ribbons rested in Haruka’s lap. Yesterday, after Kazuki took off running, the real Sara had picked it up and handed it to him. There she’d been, the idol he adored so much, right before his eyes…and he’d barely noticed. He just murmured, “Thanks.” Sara offered him a gentle nod in return.

“Okay then, have a wonderful day, and may you have lots of luck dished your way! ✩” said the Sara on the television.

“Kazu-chan…”

 

Krunch, krunch, krunch, krunch, krunch, krunch…

Toi and Enta were standing in the Kappa Plaza, still in their kappa forms, and utterly speechless at what they were witnessing. Before their eyes, Kappa-Kazuki was binge eating a literal mountain of cucumbers.

“Cucumbers are delicious! They taste even better now than when I was human!” Kazuki continued to be in unusually high spirits.

Toi gave him a look of pity. “He’s lost it.”

“It’s a Kappa High, ribbit,” Keppi explained. “A euphoria that occurs when someone remains a kappa for a prolonged period of time, ribbit.” He was equally at a loss for what to do.

In the meantime, Kazuki continued to munch away at his cucumbers. “Being a kappa rules!”

 

Du-dun, dun, dun, dun…

“To the eeeast, Kazuki no Umi. To the weeest, Enta Yama!” Keppi’s high voice rang through the air, mimicking the referee’s style of speech from sumo matches. In the center of the plaza appeared a wrestling ring, joined by the delightful, rhythmic sound of taiko drums. “Eyes on your opponent!”

Kappa-Enta lifted his knee up high and stomped down, his hair tied up in a topknot. “Uh, does sumo have anything to do with our current predicament?”

In front of him, Kappa-Kazuki braced himself for the match, sporting a similar hairstyle. “It has absolutely everything to do with it!”

“Still safe, still safe, still safe~!”

The two grappled with each other, kappa-letely evenly matched and struggling for the upper hand. Sweat slowly beaded on their skin. The droplets made quiet plip, plip sounds as they sprinkled across the ground.

Ah, ahh! Kazuki’s skin is rubbing up against mine… Enta’s expression suggested he was in the throes of ecstasy. In contrast, Kazuki looked entirely serious about their match.

“Show me what you’re made of, Enta.”

“K-Kazuki…!”

Plip, plip, plip. Their skin grew even more slippery.

“I-I can’t…take it any—”

“That’s pathetic, Enta! We’re the Golden Duo, aren’t we?!” Kappa-Kazuki pressed his knee hard against Enta’s crotch.

“Aaaaaaah~!”

Kappa-Enta went soaring through the air, landing outside the ring. When he hit the ground, Enta realized that this must have been another one of his delusions.

“Enta!”

But for some reason, it didn’t just end there as it usually did.

“Are you okay? You aren’t hurt?” Kazuki looked handsome and suave as he reached out for Enta.

“Huh? Wait, is this a delusion too…?”

Keppi offered him a pack of gum with only a single stick of gum left. Pa-chink! When Enta grabbed the gum, a trap attached to it came swinging down, pinching his finger.

“Ouch! It’s not a delusion!”

Keppi, still dressed in his sumo referee outfit, gave a quiet nod.

“Being a kappa rules!” Kappa-Enta and Kappa-Kazuki shouted in unison.

“Ribbit!”

Behind the three, who had thrown their arms around one another’s shoulders, Kappa-Toi was busily sweeping up the sumo ring.

 

“Time for our next piece of news, dish! ✩ The police reported that an investigation is ongoing regarding the fragrance bag theft that began yesterday. They currently believe the crime is a large-scale operation.” The nightly news was playing on a large monitor hanging on the front of the Asakusa Culture and Tourism Information Center.

Kappa-Toi looked up to watch and mumbled to himself, “Have any of the incidents before made it on the news the day after?”

“Come to think of it, no, they haven’t—ack, no!” Kappa-Enta replied on impulse, but then immediately forced his mouth shut. The two had been at each other’s throats since this whole thing began. Their current ceasefire had only happened because they’d been turned into kappa and kept too busy to resume fighting. Granted, judging by Toi’s demeanor, he wasn’t the least bit concerned about the unresolved conflict.

Enta, however, wasn’t ready to bury the hatchet. “Hmph!”

Kappa-Toi just watched in exasperation as the other boy made an obvious show of giving him the cold shoulder.

“Oh hey! No one can see us in our kappa forms, which means we’ve basically got a free pass to Hanayashiki, right?”

It was just like Enta to suggest such a thing. The group made their way to the small playground with a multipurpose bathroom.

“Oh, there’s a soccer ball here!” Kappa-Enta exclaimed. He ran over to it and began playing.

“This place is…” Kappa-Toi’s voice trailed off as he realized where they were.

Kazuki smiled and replied, “Yeah, this is where I always came to change into my Sara costume. I mean, so hilariously stupid, right? Cross-dressing as an idol!”

“You put a lot of effort into it though,” said Toi.

“Enough, it’s over. Anyway, let’s just have fun! Being a kappa rules!”

Toi watched him go with a sigh. It was obvious that Kazuki was just putting on a brave face.

 

Kappa-Enta continued dribbling the soccer ball, all the while piecing together a magnificent plan in his mind. Although it was true Kazuki was putting on a façade, he was still full of energy today. Which means that maybe if I play it smooth, I can pass him the ball…

“Heey! Enta!”

He glanced back to see Kappa-Kazuki racing toward him. “Pass it to me!”

“Really? I thought you said soccer didn’t have anything to do with you anymore.”

“It absolutely does have something to do with me! Let the Golden Duo be reborn!”

Enta had been waiting to hear those exact words, so he didn’t hesitate. “Okay, Kazuki, I’m passing the ball!” He aimed and sent the ball soaring high up through the air.

Kappa-Kazuki leaped up with it, performing an overhead kick. “Enta! Here it is, straight to your heart! Miracle ✩ Shoot!” In the next instant, Kazuki’s powerful kick sent the ball whizzing through the air like a bullet, slamming straight into Enta’s stomach.

“Guuuuh…!”

The ball’s trajectory remained unchanged as it soared onward, sinking into the net of the goalpost. Toi, acting as the goalkeeper, wrinkled his face in frustration.

“Nice shot!!” Even as he spat blood, Kappa-Enta savored his moment of happiness. But… Ah, no way. There’s just no way. This delusion is just too much.

With an effort, Enta brought himself back to reality—just as the real Kappa-Kazuki called over to him.

“Hey, Enta!”

“Okay, this is my chance to casually… Kazuki, here, pass!” Enta sent the ball flying forward with a smack, but Kazuki only stood there and let it roll uselessly past him.

“Sorry, I actually have to use the bathroom.”

The ball rebounded off the wall and slowly rolled back toward Enta, whose shoulders sank in disappointment. “I should’ve known it was hopeless.”

As he stared at the locked door to the bathroom, a voice called out from behind him. “Staying in this form isn’t going to do him any good,” said Toi.

Enta’s temper flared. “Like I need you to tell me that!”

 

Next, the three of them ventured to Sumida Park.

“There’s a perfect cucumber patch just ahead!” said Enta. “You love cucumbers, right, Kazuki?”

“Yeah!”

“What the heck is a ‘cucumber patch’ anyway…?” Kappa-Toi was certain there had to be some better excuse the other boy could’ve come up with.

Kazuki stopped dead in his tracks. Just up ahead was…

“Nyantaro! Come here!”

Haruka in his wheelchair, his father pushing him along from behind.

Domp, domp, domp, domp, domp…!

Kappa-Kazuki sped off into the distance, leaving the others in his dust.

“He ran…” Enta mumbled.

“I knew it.”

“Ribbit.”